And now for something completely different
by avesnovuelan
Summary: I've been possessed by the spirit of Monty Python.


And now for something completely different...  
  
Disclaimer: Your honor, I swear, I did not steal the characters from the WB show "Gilmore Girls," the lyrics from the below song, or anything else. I was only borrowing them, I promise!  
  
Synopsis: Luke has a midlife crisis.

* * *

"What'll it be?"  
  
"A coffee, two cheeseburgers, lots of fries, and a piece of pie, to go."  
  
"Coming right up."  
  
...  
  
"Luke?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"This coffee is nasty. It tastes like coffee minus the coffee. Hell hast frozen over and I see sheep flying around and perching in the trees."  
  
"Sorry. I'm having an off day. I must've forgotten to put new grinds in."  
  
"What's wrong? Are you having a midlife crisis? Do you want to go buy a sports car and pick up some young chick? One of Rory's friends is dating a 60-year old college professor. I bet I could hook you up."  
  
"No."  
  
"Then what is it? I will absolutely die if your coffee is ever this bad again. The balance of the entire planet depends on this. I do believe that unless you remedy this gut-wrenching coffee experience that there will be earthquakes and volcanoes and the seas will turn to blood and..."  
  
"Lorelai?"  
  
"Yes, Lukey?"  
  
"Have I ever told you how much of a pain in the ass you are?"  
  
"You would never!"  
  
Sigh. "This isn't what I wanted in life, you know?"  
  
"Lukey, baby, you're really starting to scare me."  
  
"Wiping this counter down day in and day out, serving people their food and watching life's opportunities fly by..."  
  
"So what did you want to do with your life? Did you want to be a cowboy? Circus performer? Accountant? Pet-Shop owner? Weatherman? What?"  
  
"Um...actually, I wanted to be a lumberjack."  
  
"A lumberjack?"  
  
"Yes. Can't you just see it, Lorelai? Sleeping in the woods, eating pancakes cooked over an open fire, wearing flannel long-underwear, cutting down trees, with my best bonnie by my side...we'd sing, sing, SING!"  
  
_The screen starts to fade..._  
  
"Ooh, are we going to have a musical number in my show? I could do a happy dance!"  
  
_We see Luke standing in the woods wearing bright red flannel, holding Lorelai (who is wearing a white flowing cotton dress) with a strange chorus of men in red standing off to the side." We see Luke standing in the woods wearing bright red flannel, holding Lorelai (who is wearing a white flowing cotton dress) with a strange chorus of men in red standing off to the side."_  
  
LUKE: (Singing)  
I'm a lumberjack, and I'm okay.  
I sleep all night and I work all day.  
  
_MOUNTIES:  
He's a lumberjack, and he's okay.  
He sleeps all night and he works all day._  
  
LUKE:  
I cut down trees. I eat my lunch.  
I go to the lavatory.  
On Wednesdays I go shoppin'  
And have buttered scones for tea.  
  
_MOUNTIES:  
He cuts down trees. He eats his lunch.  
He goes to the lavatory.  
On Wednesdays he goes shoppin'  
And has buttered scones for tea.  
He's a lumberjack, and he's okay.  
He sleeps all night and he works all day._  
  
LUKE:  
I cut down trees. I skip and jump.  
I like to press wild flowers.  
I put on women's clothing  
And hang around in bars.  
  
_MOUNTIES:  
He cuts down trees. He skips and jumps.  
He likes to press wild flowers.  
He puts on women's clothing  
And hangs around in bars?!  
He's a lumberjack, and he's okay.  
He sleeps all night and he works all day.  
_  
LUKE:  
I cut down trees. I wear high heels,  
Suspendies, and a bra.  
I wish I'd been a girlie,  
Just like my dear Papa.  
  
_MOUNTIES:  
He cuts down trees. He wears high heels,  
Suspendies, and a bra?!  
(talking)  
What's this? Wants to be a girlie?! Oh, My!  
And I thought you were so rugged! Poofter!  
(singing)  
He's a lumberjack, and he's okay.  
He sleeps all night and he works all day.  
He's a lumberjack, and he's okaaaaay.  
He sleeps all night and he works all day._  
  
End  
  
A/N: The song is "The lumberjack song" from Monty Python's flying  
circus. If you've never heard it, do a google search. There are plenty  
of places you can download it for free. 


End file.
